And I believe we all need more touch in our lives.
Touch is one of my major love languages. It is even written into my human design that it is important for me to connect and communicate with others through touch.
I love to give and receive touch. I love to give and take pleasure from touch.
But what we all really need is touch that comes from presence, touch without wanting anything, or hoping to get somewhere.
Touch that is loving, caring, holding.
Touch that produces the love hormone oxytocin and relaxes our nervous system.
Touch that gives us a feeling of belonging, of being connected and appreciated.
Most of us didn’t receive enough nurturing touch as children.
Once we leave our mother’s womb, we are taken away from her, to get cleaned, medically checked, to give her a rest. But the first skin contact for a baby is so important.
Many of us have never been breastfed. The effects of missing out on this first source of nourishment can be felt mentally, physically and energetically for the rest of our lives.
And even if we were lucky and received lots of loving touch, hugs and cuddles as children, we come to a point in our teenage years where we find it awkward to share comforting physical intimacy with our parents.
The next moment in our lives where we receive touch is generally as we enter into our first intimate sexual connections.
Then touch often becomes something to get somewhere.
It comes with an agenda or a goal.
I see this as a big problem, especially in women’s sexuality.
A woman can feel whether a man is needy in his touch and usually she gets easily bored, her body shuts down or she withdraws sexually from her partner.
But there are some magical keys to how our feminine body opens through touch.
Once a woman feels loved, safe and relaxed and doesn’t have to perform, sheblossoms in ways she might never have thought possible.
Touch is so healing.
Through presence and loving touch, a woman can release trauma and numbness, as well as emotional and physical pain.
She can feel nourished, confident, fully alive and as if she is coming home within the temple of her own body.
It also means the sacred temple, the gateway to the Universe and the Source. When we hear people speak about feminine empowerment, there are so many concepts around it, but not many people speak about the relationship of a woman to her vulva, her vagina, her yoni. Yet, that’s where the feminine empowerment should start. So many women don’t have a deep love and connection with their yoni.
Yoni has been shamed for centuries. She was labeled as stinky, ugly, disgusting area “down there”. This disconnect is the REAL cause of common issues such as low libido, recurring infections, PCOS, uterine prolapse, endometriosis, menstrual cramps, excessive bleeding and others.
Many yonis hardly receive any loving touch… And even less receive praise and are looked at with awe and admiration. Most yonis are not appreciated for the magical and mystical place they really are. Without that, our yonis fall asleep. Or sometimes they even fall into a coma. When we activate the yoni and our connection to her we start owning our power. We start accessing her intuition… And her intuition is always spot on.
The best scenario for day one of your period is to just lie in bed all day. Because that’s when you lose the most blood (and therefore – vital force) and if you move and agitate yourself – you will be losing even more.
I will share soon why (and how) we should try to bleed as little as possible. But today I want to share about the most awesome way to bleed – it’s called Free Bleeding.
Free Bleeding is the practice of menstruating without blocking or collecting the period flow.
Our menstrual flow is not constant.
A woman can become so connected to her womb that she feels exactly when she needs to release the blood. In that moment she goes into nature, squats and releases the blood to the Earth (ideally).
If a woman lives away from nature, she can simply release the blood into the toilet. Up until that moment she will squeeze the muscles of her cervix and hold the blood. That’s it!
If you are keen, try it at home first. And when you go out a small reusable pad will keep you safe for times where there is no bathroom around.
There is nothing healthy about using conventional pads and tampons – they are made out of bleached synthetic materials which is not only unsafe health wise but also contributes to unpleasant odour.
On top of that the use of conventional hygiene methods promotes the idea that there is something dirty about menstruation. When there is absolutely nothing dirty about it.
Plus, if you free bleed the amount of the blood you lose will diminish and the length of your period will shorten.
And this is my response to your question: “What is a Yoni massage?”
I always felt that there must be more than just the reproductive, gynaecological or random sexual approach to a woman’s vagina. I think all women intuitively know that, at least from my experience by giving tantric Yoni massages over the last 2 years.
I will tell you in a minute how I got there, but first let’s clarify some things.
What is a tantric Yoni massage?
The Sanskrit word Tantra means “Expansion.” Tantra is an ancient spiritual tradition that can reveal the divine being that you truly are through a holistic lifestyle, meditation practices and sacred sexuality.
Yoni massage is one of the most powerful tantric tools I know of for worshipping a woman’s vagina with the highest love and respect. Yoni is the Sanskrit word for Vagina, meaning “sacred space”.
It offers women a profound and direct feminine embodied experience that transforms their lives. Yoni massage is a ritual that truly honours a woman and her whole sensual being.
During a Yoni massage a woman can allow herself to receive, learning to trust and fully surrender through sacred touch and loving awareness. She can experience deep relaxation, mystical states of pleasure and orgasmic bliss.
Yoni massage helps women to release trauma, numbness, pain, stored emotions, and creates a new healthy love affair towards their femininity and Yoni’s.
How did I get from working the corporate world to giving tantric Yoni massages?
I was disconnected from my own femininity, self-love and sexuality for most of my life. I was pretty much unorgasmic, afraid of deep intimacy and my relationship with my Yoni was not very loving at all.
I was supressing my sexual energy, which is basically our life force energy, until it turned against me and burned me completely out. I was trying to fill my lack of connection with myself by constantly overworking, abuse of alcohol, drugs, and unhealthy intimate relationships.
I couldn’t feel anything anymore, especially not my Yoni.
As I came across Tantra for the first time in India, my life completely changed. It reminded me of the divine being that I am and helped me to embrace my body, spirit and sexuality as one and not separate from each other.
I will always remember my first Yoni massage. I was excited and scared, and this mixture is absolutely normal for most women. I chose to go to a woman as this felt much more comfortable and safe for me at the beginning.
After my first session I felt worshipped, honoured in my femininity, loved, nourished, fully alive and whole as a woman. Many sessions followed, each very unique, magical and transformative.
A spontaneous response I often hear from women after a session is: “Every woman need to receive a Yoni massage.” I agree, as a woman.
As I did my Yoni massage training, I felt like being in an ancient temple, sharing this healing art with 25 other Priestesses. I was inhaling and remembering all the sacred knowledge. I felt that I had done this work before and I came here to bring it back into light.
Sexual energy is healing. It is the most natural medicine in the world. I remember I came to this course with a beginning of a really bad cold and it was gone on day two.
Why the feminine needs sexual healing?
Women are still influenced by centuries of patriarchal repression, conditioning, shame and guilt around being women- their bodies and their sexuality. Through Feminism we managed to liberate ourselves from the outside by living our sexuality freely, but most women don’t feel truly released from within.
We are lacking education. Porn shows us what a woman’s vagina should look like and how she “works”.
We trust doctors more than ourselves. Some of my clients are gynecologists and midwifes, and after their first session they often say that they discovered so many areas of their Yoni they had never been aware of.
We show our Yoni’s to our intimate partners, some of them we just met a couple of hours before. But have you ever had a deeper look at your Yoni yourself?
Take a mirror and look at her. This is homework I highly recommend.
Many women ask me if their Yoni is normal. Yes she is!
She is absolutely beautiful, magical and divine. Each Yoni is so different- like a flower. It is empowering to claim your feminine power back and see your Yoni as a natural part of your body. The most sacred one!
We also go for a foot massage, right? Why not dedicate time and energy for our most delicate space.
What will I get out of a Yoni massage session?
As in other parts of our bodies, we tend to carry a lot of tension, emotions and memories in our Yonis. She is so receptive and absorbs everything like a sponge.
If there is no blood and energy flow, we usually experience numbness. This is a very common reason why women come for a Yoni massage.
When I talk about stored memories I not only mean severe sexual traumas but also the smaller and more unconscious moments of a woman’s life, where we haven’t taken care of our Yonis or where our boundaries have been crossed. An unpleasant first intercourse, every encounter without her being really ready for
it, every pleased YES that would have been a honest NO.
Painful childbirth, surgeries or the regular pap smear what many of us don’t like for a good reason.
Everything we don’t want to feel we push “down” into our Yonis. It makes me sad when I hear a woman talking about her Yoni as “down there,” as if she would not be a part of her body.
Many women have been sexually abused or carry trauma from the generation of their mother lineages before. We can talk a million times about it and bless psychotherapy, as it has its own place, but the memory will still be stored in our cells.
Through Yoni massage you will learn about your feminine sexuality and bring new awareness to areas where sexual pleasure is available.
By healing trauma, shame, guilt and negative believes that you may have regarding your Yoni and
your sexual energy you open the gate for deep fulfilling orgasm’s.
As you take responsibility for your own sexual wellbeing, you will enhance self-esteem, creativity and deepen your sense of intimacy with yourself and others.
How to find the right therapist?
There are a variety of modalities like tantric Yoni massages, Yoni mapping or de-armouring. And every therapist works differently.
The main qualities I find very important from my own experience are presence, integrity and an open heart and mind. Trust your intuition and ask friends or other women for recommendations.
A professional therapist will talk with you about your needs, desires and boundaries that you have before the session. And I have to make an important note here: Yoni massage does not involve intercourse!
What’s happening in detail?
A woman needs to feel safe and loved to fully open. For this to happen the whole body of a woman is worshiped fist.
A tantric Yoni massage generally starts with mediation, eye gazing or some breathing. Followed by a full body massage where the woman can just relax, allowing her self to surrender and fully receive.
It’s good to communicate how certain strokes feel, if she wants more or less pressure, or if anything is coming up emotionally. A Yoni massage has no goal at all.
There is nothing to achieve, change or fix. Whatever a woman is experiencing is absolutely perfect and welcome.
Before I begin to touch the Yoni, I always ask my clients for permission. This is a very important and empowering part of the ritual.
The Yoni likes to be approached gently from the outside to the inside through different kinds of touch, pressure and movements. By leading with presence, moving slowly and listening deeply to what is needed in any moment the ordinary magic of tantric healing is happening.
Why Yoni massage will change the world?
In the same way we honour our Yonis, the seat of the divine, we honour the earth, the giver of all life. How we treat her shows how we care for the feminine in our lives.
When we begin to express gratitude for the beauty of nature and our precious bodies, we begin to honour the Great Mother of all existence. Yoni massage helps us to remember who we truly are as women.
It creates intimacy and opens us to experience a deeper connection with our self, our partner and the world.
If a man commit to really love, value and worship the Yoni of a woman, he will not only give the woman and himself a great gift, he will also change the whole world.
For women this process is usually associated with a sense of grief, failure and even guilt. Also, the
question: why me!?
For men it can also be very emotional, they may be feeling like they don’t deserve to be a father or that they did something wrong. But usually what’s even more intense for a man is being there with his woman as she is going through her emotional ride…
Some couples become closer through this process, others break up.
I want to share something very important here.
While it is important that you give space to and process the emotions it causes, you need to know that on an energetic level miscarriage is nothing but a cleansing mechanism.
It is not a loss of a child.
What you are releasing is not a human being. The soul enters the fetus only at about 4 months into pregnancy. Before that it’s just physical matter and energy.
In the past, when it was normal for women to have up to 9 or even 12 children, miscarriages happened a lot more frequently. And usually went almost unnoticed.
Many women learn to disown their bodies, and often our precious breasts is where it all starts.
Our breasts have a yang quality to them – they are very visible, even if covered by layers of clothing. From an early age we have all gotten messages from the media about the ideal breast size, the perfect breast shape. And if we feel like we don’t measure up – we start to disconnect from our breasts.
Some women go all the way and even physically cut off their breasts and replace them with implants.
And once we disconnect from them they simply go numb.
When in their natural state our breasts are our love center because they sit on either side of our spiritual heart or anahata chakra. They represent the external expression of our heart energy. Also, they are sensual and orgasmic. Yes, breast orgasm is one of the forms of orgasm in tantra. And it is a delightful one!
Breasts come in such a variety of sizes, shapes and colors, and they are a great starting point for women to love our bodies.